Fear and Loathing in Andong with a requiem for a hangover part 3: the soju diaries

Peter Dye Diaries:

I opened my eyes the morning after arriving in Andong and I had a terrible pain in my leg. I looked around the room and saw Phil completely naked, passed out on top of the dresser holding a spear in one hand and an empty bottle of andong soju in the other. I looked down at my leg and it seemed Phil had stabbed me with a spear. Edgar was no where to be found. We eventually found him outside riding a horse around the village. But since he was sitting on the horse backwards the horse was just aimlessly plowing through hut after hut.  Most of the traditional folk village was in ruins but the mayor of the city greeted us warmly and handed us the keys to the city. This was probably due to the fact that we blended in so seemlessly with the culture and introduced so much revolutionary technology to the city. 

When discussing our favorite parts of andong we had so many precious memories to share with the world. Edgar and Phil climbed up a mountain and backflipped off the top of it and landed in a bbq restaurant and ordered some sam gyup sal. 

Phil's (English Bloke) Tale:

Having a masters in chemistry, I obviously have a vast knowledge of reactions. I thought it would be necessary to spread this knowledge to the people of Andong. Using only mud, sticks and a smidge of chewing gum, I erected my lab for the people of the village. What were the essentials in the village? As it turns out, rice was the 'hot' word coming from the ruby red lips of the villagers. So, I hot footed it to the lab with my reactions and a  copy of the DVD of 'Honey I Blew The Kids' to make a super grain of rice of the white variety. After 2 hours I formulated the reaction. For you non-chemists out there, I have watered down the very complex reaction below:

2 parts 40% Andong soju  +  1.5  bags of wank   -------->   super rice grain

I waited nervously for the reaction to finish. After the smoke cleared, I stood in awe of the 2m rice grain. I picked it up, cradling it for a second, just like I did with my wife's first born. I took it outside to the people of Hahoe and we ate for hours and hours and rejoiced the reaction of the super grain.

Then, Edgar offered our bus driver a pint of 40 percent andong soju and he happily accepted. The bus driver instantly developed the crazy eyes and the shakes and we careened into the rice fields. We swam to safety and saved the lives of the andongians. 

Then, Doc Mandu showed up in his time travelling umbrella. He said we had to travel back in time to prevent the destruction of  Andong. I said "Doc Mandu, there are no roads here for us to reach 88 miles per hour." He replied " Where we're going we don't need roads."

After beating the nonsense out of Doc Mandu, he promptly apologised for his bananas outburst and shamely mounted his umberella, and travelled back to 1960s England to drop acid. 

We apologized to the people of Andong for destroying their village and they responded simply in Korean with "It's cool man. This shit happens all the time." 

Edgar's (Supposed) Entry:

Edgar was nowhere to be found after the rice patty crash but it has been rumored in the lst couple of minutes that the Andong dragon-snake came up and swallowed him whole. Only time will tell if Edgar is to rejoin the triple threat (Three Willys) on our way to the mountains of Sokchu. RIP Edgar JuSayO...